I sensed a small disturbance in the Force only to find said sibling disturbances engaged in a rousing game of "trash the bathroom". My Spidey skills did me right for once and I stopped the onslaught of baby lotion from leaving my daughter's hands. Me-1, them-0. I stopped rampaging marbles from laying in wait for a tender foot to step on them in the middle of the night on said bathroom floor. This would have certainly unleashed a litany of curses which would have awoken the baby at 2am. Lastly, the closet dowel rod that my two disturbances had decided to try and use as a jousting stick or God knows what was safely removed from their creative hands. That makes it Me-3, them-0.
Lord WTF has no idea I've morphed into Patton.
"Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory." -George S. Patton
Mwahahahahaha! Victory, she dances with me tonight!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Mommy Ninja
Oh, lord WTF threw himself an all out bash this morning. War is upon us and I've become to lax, complacent if you will, with my standing around here. No more! I'm sneaky...like a ninja. Battle lost, but not the war!
Apparently, as I dutifully did my morning 30 minute clean-up of the entire upstairs, lord WTF took the opportunity to enlist the curiosity of the two-year-old in his "shock and awe" maneuver. I had no idea what befell the pantry until the little tyke came upstairs with a loaf of raisin bread in hand and covered from head to toe in a powdery substance. The bread flour has met it's demise along with some rice and I believe I saw a St. Patrick's day derby filled with dried pinto beans. I'm going to give myself an ulcer if I don't get a chance to go outside and scream, but since it's blustery and snowing, I'll settle for a blog.
If lord WTF wants to clash swords, so be it!! Dustbuster at the ready and a firm "stink eye" set in place to threaten his recruits with. Bring it.
Apparently, as I dutifully did my morning 30 minute clean-up of the entire upstairs, lord WTF took the opportunity to enlist the curiosity of the two-year-old in his "shock and awe" maneuver. I had no idea what befell the pantry until the little tyke came upstairs with a loaf of raisin bread in hand and covered from head to toe in a powdery substance. The bread flour has met it's demise along with some rice and I believe I saw a St. Patrick's day derby filled with dried pinto beans. I'm going to give myself an ulcer if I don't get a chance to go outside and scream, but since it's blustery and snowing, I'll settle for a blog.
If lord WTF wants to clash swords, so be it!! Dustbuster at the ready and a firm "stink eye" set in place to threaten his recruits with. Bring it.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Conversations
"Psssst. Hey, psssst."
"What...oh. I'm not supposed to talk to you."
"Why not?"
"Mom said you are trouble and to not talk to you."
"She did? Well, her and I just have misunderstandings. Say, that's a pretty color of purple you are coloring with. You know what? I think it would look great on the walls, really brighten the place up."
"Mama says not to color on the walls. She says she is sick and tired of scrubbing our messes up."
"Not your artwork, though. I've heard he say she LOVES your pictures! You should surprise her with a big one right here."
"Really? Hmmm. OKAY!"
"And when you finish with the wall, make sure you add some warpaint to yourself and your brothers. I know you guys have to leave the house in 15 minutes and all, but if artwork is good on paper, it's great anywhere!"
Sigh, yeah. Lord WTF corrupts the minds of the young at every possible moment. Walls will recover and I think the world is used to seeing my kids in Braveheart mode as to not even bat an eyelash when we pull up to the grocery store.
"What...oh. I'm not supposed to talk to you."
"Why not?"
"Mom said you are trouble and to not talk to you."
"She did? Well, her and I just have misunderstandings. Say, that's a pretty color of purple you are coloring with. You know what? I think it would look great on the walls, really brighten the place up."
"Mama says not to color on the walls. She says she is sick and tired of scrubbing our messes up."
"Not your artwork, though. I've heard he say she LOVES your pictures! You should surprise her with a big one right here."
"Really? Hmmm. OKAY!"
"And when you finish with the wall, make sure you add some warpaint to yourself and your brothers. I know you guys have to leave the house in 15 minutes and all, but if artwork is good on paper, it's great anywhere!"
Sigh, yeah. Lord WTF corrupts the minds of the young at every possible moment. Walls will recover and I think the world is used to seeing my kids in Braveheart mode as to not even bat an eyelash when we pull up to the grocery store.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Vampires need not apply
A quiet moment for Benjamin and I. Just a mother and a nursing infant sharing a beautiful bond and stealing a space in time for some peace from it all. Then it hits. The unmistakeable smell of garlic. Not that tantalizing aroma found in some Italian Momma's kitchen as she pours he soul into a meal for her family. Oh, no. This was like driving by Gilroy, CA! The daily "wtf" moment swooped in on stealth mode and in a mocking tone declared his lordship over our house once again.
I love my kids, all four of them. I do!! It's just that Lord WTF has sway over them when I'm not looking. They are young, impressionable, and fall victim to his "fun" on a daily basis. Today, garlic powder. The oldest boy decided to fill his toy watering can with the stuff while I was busy with his youngest brother. He proceeded to then fill said can with water to see if garlic powder dissolves. He gets points for doing his own science experiment, but a demerit for not asking me first. His partner-in-crime, little sis, decided not to do a science experiment, but to make it "snow" with the rest of the garlic powder. Oh, it snowed. Granular garlic drifted down onto every surface within her near 4ft reach. Dear God, please help me. Lord Worse Than Failure has won again!
Today is clean up of said garlic powder and involves scrubbing every floor it touched. You don't sweep or vacuum this stuff away. On the upside of all of this, our home is vampire free.
I love my kids, all four of them. I do!! It's just that Lord WTF has sway over them when I'm not looking. They are young, impressionable, and fall victim to his "fun" on a daily basis. Today, garlic powder. The oldest boy decided to fill his toy watering can with the stuff while I was busy with his youngest brother. He proceeded to then fill said can with water to see if garlic powder dissolves. He gets points for doing his own science experiment, but a demerit for not asking me first. His partner-in-crime, little sis, decided not to do a science experiment, but to make it "snow" with the rest of the garlic powder. Oh, it snowed. Granular garlic drifted down onto every surface within her near 4ft reach. Dear God, please help me. Lord Worse Than Failure has won again!
Today is clean up of said garlic powder and involves scrubbing every floor it touched. You don't sweep or vacuum this stuff away. On the upside of all of this, our home is vampire free.
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