Blitzkrieg

A friend asked me why I haven't posted in about a week and I calmly informed her that during warfare, communications are often severed on the front lines. There has been a lull in munitions fighting overnight, so I'll quietly sneak out to do my reporting.

Rather than go into detail, I'm just going to list the events of last week that have had me questioning my decision to have four children.

1. The coconut tree. Two children decided to finger paint with my body lotion on my bathroom mirror and call it "the coconut tree". Thank you Chika Chika ABC's. You've inspired my children to vandalism.

2. Two urinary moments in the basement. There are days when I'm sure my daughter is losing her mind.

3. The remote. Oldest son found it fit to disassemble the downstairs TV remote. Thank goodness the Koreans made it so easy to put back together or off to the store I would be to by yet another universal remote.

4. Candyland. The children raided a box of lollipops and had about 15 each lodged into their sticky little hands. Even I know when to just leave something alone.

5. Books in the vacuum. Apparently board books belong in the collection canister. They were in the way.

6. Sprinkles. I hate decorating sprinkles for cakes and cookies. Apparently, my bed was not complete without an container of the suckers spilled from head to foot board.

7. Reboot. The computer didn't work properly, according to our eldest son's standards, and so he decided to unplug the entire thing from monitor to speakers.

Whew! There you have it. Solid birth control for the future generation. Parents, have your teenage sons and daughter's read this and commit it to memory. It's a jungle out there, especially with a house full of monkeys.